Luke Bryan - Rain is a Good Thing

The last few weeks have been very hot and humid here in Allentown. I only have air conditioning in my bedroom, so the rest of the house has been pretty uncomfortable. When the weather starts getting like this, there is one thing that brings great relief, and that is a nice rain storm. It is guaranteed to cool things off, and loosen the strangling hold of the humidity.

Now, I fully recognize that farmers depend on precipitation probably more than anyone else. No rain = suffering crops, and the farmer's livelihood depends on those crops. However, simply because I live in a city and work for a company that is not effected by rain one way or the other, doesn't mean that I chant "rain, rain, go away" every night before I go to bed. Aside from the comfort aspect that I mentioned above, I also keep a small vegetable garden in my back yard, and those plants need rain just as much as the farmer that owns a little family farm (a rare breed these days, thanks to the rise of factory farming).

All that being said, I have no idea what the hell Luke Bryan is talking about in this song. The video for this song (link!) features some obvious "farmer" types at the beginning talking about how much they depend on the rain, but the actual lyrics to the song are a bit more vague about the positive aspects of rain. Sure, the first verse mentions Bryan's apparently foul-mouthed father complaining about lack of rain, but from there on out, it's not quite as clear on the positive aspects.

According to Bryan, rain affords hormone-driven adolescents a chance to grope each other, children to dance around in the mud, and good old boys the opportunity to ride around in the bed of each other's trucks. While I have nothing against any of these things per se, I'm not sure that rain is the only reason for any of these things to happen (with the possible exception of the mud, although children will find ways to get dirty whether it is dry and sunny or cloudy and rainy). I'm simply not convinced that Bryan is making the best possible case for why rain is so much better where he comes from, than it is for us city slickers.

I also need to point out the pronunciation of the word "wash" in this song. I realize that r-adding is a regional thing, but it has no place in a recorded song. Obviously Luke Bryan pronounced that word that way on purpose (or, if he was too stupid to realize there was a problem with it, the engineer on the record should have said something), and it's presence is simply another case of overly overt accents in CPC. This particular example of accent flaunting is one that grates my nerves more than others. Terrible.

Poor pronunciation isn't the only thing that makes the chorus of this monstrosity terrible. Let's take a quick moment to consider how terribly childish the rhyme, "Corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky," is. That sounds like something you make up at 2 A.M. after drinking all night, with a guitar in your hand, thinking you are about as clever as they come, when in reality you are simply a drunk git. Also, while corn whiskey does exist, it is certainly a huge minority in the world of whiskeys, where barley is the dominant grain used, followed by rye. So, unless Bryan is drinking cheaply made moonshine whiskey, odds are, it is a barley-based alcoholic drink.

The last thing that warrants noting about this song is actually a visual aspect of the video. The whole thing is an unrealistic/unbelievable "look how down home and real Luke Bryan is!" montage, which is fine, since projecting that image is how you sell a country record. What bothers me is at 2:52, you can see Bryan making the sign of the horns, or devil horns which is something associated with heavy rock music for years and years and years. Although the evil connotations of the hand symbol have diminished over the years, the basic meaning of "rock on, man!" has stayed pretty consistent. Luke Bryan, you do not rock, so you look like a fool making that hand symbol. Don't do it anymore, thanks.

George Strait - Check Yes or No

As a relative newcomer to the world of contemporary pop country (CPC), my knowledge about its trends over the years came mostly from second-hand accounts, rather than actual experience. Until very recently, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between a song recorded in the 1980's from one recorded yesterday, and I still struggle with it. It doesn't seem like there have been any innovations whatsoever in terms of songwriting, instrumentation, structure, subject. . .anything at all. In particular, after the "rhinestone cowboy" trend of the 1970's ended, things have remained pretty stagnant, with the possible exception of the fashion (the days of giant belt buckles, ten gallon hats and boots are fading; not completely gone, but fading, at least).

Because of this ignorance on my part, I was surprised to find out that "Check Yes or No" was released in 1987. The local country station that is forced down my throat every day plays this song with such regularity, I simply assumed it was a new single. In retrosepect, I suppose I can see the tell-tale signs of 1980's country production. The glossy sheen over the whole song, the square, emotionless performance from the backing band, and the degree of extremeness of the fake, forced southern accent all make it clear that this is a late '80's country hit.

A point of clarity about the twang level. It is a simple fact that when a person sings, their accent should naturally disappear. Take for example, Ozzy Osbourne. When the man speaks, unintelligible doesn't even come close to describing him. As soon as he starts singing, however, his accent drops away, and his pronunciation is relatively clear. Singing in a thick accent is not natural, and it can only be done if the singer is attempting to do so. The Beatles were given a hard time for flaunting their accents back in the 1960's, because it is not natural, and the same goes for country singers attempting to flaunt their southern twang today. You're not fooling me! As for the "extremeness" of the fake accent being a tell-tale sign of when the song was recorded, it seems that the exageration of the twang has gotten worse over the years, and Strait's accent in this particular song is present, but not cartoonsih, like some are today. Is the extreme accent a matter of pride for these singers? Perhaps, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

The song itself is a great example of how badly CPC handles love songs. The whole narrative is just so precious to the point of being nauseating. Oh, how sweet! He fell in love with the woman that is to be his wife at such a tender young age! *Blech!* It would be one thing if this were an actual account of Strait's love life, but the song is not even written by him! The songwriting credits note Dana Hunt and Danny Mark Wells as the scribes of this epic, legendary tale of love tested and found true. So, we have a poorly told, made up story presented by a third party. Awesome.

Rodney Atkins - Watchin' You

Since this is my first post here, a bit of back story might be pertinent.

I'm a 29 year old from eastern Pennsylvania, and I've been pretty skeptical of country music my whole life. While I was growing up, my parents assured me that there was nothing of any value to be found in the realm of country music.

As I approached adolescence, however, I became aware of quality music that falls under the country banner. Bluegrass, for example, obviously finds itself fitting under there and it has a rich history full of fantastic musicianship and great songs.

After I met my wife, I fell even more in love with the possibilities of country music when she introduced me to alt-country, a style takes the best elements of country music and combines it with rock. Through the works of Son Volt, Wilco, Ryan Adams, The Jayhawks, and many others, my feelings on country in general started to soften.

When talented, quality acts like Alison Krauss & Union Station and Nickel Creek started selling a lot of records and becoming pretty major "country" acts, I noticed.

Until recently. Earlier this year, I started a new job, and at this new job, there is an awful lot of radio listening. There is an older gentleman that works with me that insists on listening to the local country station. It is through this particular radio station that I've learned that in many ways, my parents were right to tell me that country music is terrible. It is such a disgrace to the memories of great country artists through the ages (from Jimmie Rodgers to Johnny Cash) what is being done in the name of country these days.

Because of this, I am coming here once a week to point out just one example of precisely what is wrong with contemporary popular country music.

With that in mind, I offer you the first of many examples:
Rodney Atkins : "Watchin' You"


There is so much wrong with this song, it's hard to choose where to start. First of all, unnecessary product placement just bugs me to no end. Why does the "meal" the child is eating in this song have to be a "Happy" one? Why must it be a "Scooby Doo" night light? It adds nothing to the narrative, with the possible acception of making the "average" listener think, "Hey! My kid has a nightlight just like that!" thus making it appeal to "everyone". In reality, all this proves is that corporatism in America is so rampant, that no one is safe from brand recognition. As such, the brand-name-dropping disrupts what is (I'm assuming) supposed to be a touching story of father/son bonding.

Religion and country music have a long history together. Aside from its own heritage of bringing God in to the picture, country music all through the 20th century shamelessly borrowed from the gospel music of the African-Americans. While I don't share the beliefs, the musicality certainly stands up, so I can get behind it.

Everything that makes Down To The River To Pray great, is lost on this song. "Watchin' You" is an example of a song that brings religion into the picture not because of an overwhelming desire to share a a love for a diety, but rather to simply hammer home the point that "I'm 'Merican! I b'leive in Gawd! And I pray!"

The bottom line with this song is that it is a perfect example of how contemporary popular country artists will simply tap into the lowest common denominator (LCD) by shamelessly interjecting "common" experiences into overly sappy songs about issues that could be touching if handled by someone with a shred of songwriting tact.