Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tim McGraw - When The Stars Go Blue



Cover songs are a strange thing. Of course many people think immediately of hack musicians playing "Hotel California" at weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Obviously, though, this is limiting the true potential of cover songs. By performing someone else's composition, you have the power to transform it; to reimagine it. A great song can be made even better in the hands of a master. Sometimes, when a talented performer puts their mind to it, even a mundane song can be made breathtaking. (Example: Ryan Adams' haunting take on Oasis' Wonderwall.)

The key to a succesful cover song, is when an artist with a recognizable sound brings elements of their own vision to the table, rather than simply reproducing the original ideas. In my personal opinion, at least some recognizable aspect of the source material should be present. The extent of the transformation is debatable, but I feel that a balance between a nod to originator and new creative ideas equals perfection.

Then, of course, there are the times when a great song, penned by a gifted scribe, are desecrated in ways that are simply painful to think about.



"When The Stars Go Blue" was originally written and recorded by the same Ryan Adams linked above, and it was included on his alt-country/sunshine pop masterpiece Gold. It is a somber, beautiful love song. I bought this album almost immediately after it was released, and I fell deeply in love with many of the songs on it for years. I was taken with "When The Stars Go Blue" instantly.

When The Corrs and Bono (won't he ever go away?) recorded it and famously performed it on MTV, (and it subsequently ran on VH1 on loop for what felt like eons), I was happy that Adams' work was getting exposure, though not thrilled about the take on it.

My distaste for the above mentioned cover is nothing compared to the ire that pulsed through my veins when I was first exposed to Tim McGraw's abomination. It contains precisely zero elements of a succesful cover song. McGraw brings absolutely nothing new to the table, the vocalization makes me embarrassed for him (and anyone foolhardy enough to purchase his material), and since the song had already been famously covered by someone else only a few years prior what is the motherfucking point here?!? Ryan Adams is an incredibly prolific songwriter, if McGraw wanted to record a take on one of his ballads, there are myriad choices. Why do a re-cover? It's redundant, and I'd like you to shut up now, Tim McGraw.

This is to be only the first of many instances of Contemporary Pop Country artists ruining perfectly good songs, but, (at least for this week) it is most assuredly the most infuriating.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bon Jovi - Who Says You Can't Go Home?



When Jerry Lee Lewis career began to dip terribly after the scandal broke regarding him marrying his 13 year old cousin, he was advised to shift the style of music he was playing from rock and roll to country. Country was seen as a more "mature" and "respectable" genre at the time, and so the move was one meant to save his career. He did pen some songs that became country hits ("She Even Woke Me Up To Say Goodbye", "Once More With Feeling", etc.) but obviously his earlier, rock and roll hits ("Great Balls of Fire", "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On") will be the ones he will always be remembered for.

Since then, many artists whose careers have taken a shit have turned to country to continue earning a paycheck. Jessica Simpson, Jewel Kilcher, and Darius "Hootie" Rucker, are three that come immediately to mind. They've each done stupid things (in the case of Jessica Simpson, several stupid things) that have turned the general public against them, and so they have taken the walk of shame, tails between their legs, to the realm of Contemporary Pop Country, usually with some token public statement about "always loving country music" or "growing up in the country".

So, is it really surprising that Bon Jovi should start recording country music? Of course not!



Let's face it. Jon Francis Bongiovi, Jr.'s audience consists largely of women approaching middle age that fell in love with his luscious locks back in the 1980's. This same demographic is the type of people who keep Keith Urban working, today. (Hint: they're not paying attention to his career because of his "awesome" music, if you know what I mean.) These types likely were disillusioned by the turn rock music took in the early '90's, when the Bon Jovi's and Warrant's of the world suddenly were replaced by mopey, angst-ridden, flannel-wearing misanthropes. Luckily Garth Brooks, et. al. were there to scoop up that lost demographic and give them a new home: Contemporary Pop Country.

Much of the music that is played on CPC stations these days actually shares a lot of characteristics with hair rock of the '80's: Obnoxiously catchy sing-a-long anthems, painfully maudlin power ballads, and a complete lack of artistic integrity.

"Who Says You Can't Go Home?" was the first cross over hit for Bon Jovi, and the success of that single paved the way for the album Lost Highway which fully embraced that shift, securing them a place amongst other shamed pop stars.

Is CPC a good home for Bon Jovi? Oh, assuredly. It's just unfortunate for me, because now if I'm sitting in the office at work, I get Bon Jovi on the local country station. If I walk around the plant, I get Bon Jovi on the local redneck rock station. Either way I lose!

Oh, by the way Jon, it was Thomas Wolfe.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Justin Moore - Backwoods



When I listen to the radio, there are few things that get under my skin like lazy songwriting. I like what Henry Rollins said about performing your craft: "Don't be halfway about anything! Life is too short!" When I am exposed to lazy songwriting, it borders on being offensive to me, since it is obvious that the songwriter didn't care enough about their audience to put together a song that is at least well crafted.

Cue Justin Moore's "Backwoods"



If I were a fan of Contemporary Pop Country music (in case you haven't noticed, I'm not) I would be irate that a song that is so lazily written were even being offered to me as an option. Let's face it, the radio is nothing but a marketing tool for music corporations to expose you, the listener, to the many options you have to purchase that music in one form or another, or perhaps to go see that artist in concert.

Simply hearing "Backwoods" makes me want to scream at the speakers of the radio in my office at work, "Are you fucking nuts?!? You are seriously marketing that to me? Fuck you, buddy!" and I'm not even a fan of the genre.

I mean, seriously. Just look at the chorus. The trio of musical geniuses (yes, Justin Moore got not one, but two people to help him with this one) must have sat around a table writing down hackneyed snippets from country songs over the years and thrown them in a hat to pull out later.

"Work hard, play hard."

"Hold my baby tight."

"Lordy have mercy."

"It's a real good life."

Each one of those lyrics could ruin an entire song on their own, but in this case they are strung together at the end of the chorus like some kind of über-clichè. It is very possible that "Backwoods" is the ultimate example of lazy songwriting I have ever come across.

As a side note, I'm not even going to get started on his over-the-top fake accent in this song. I could be here for hours. Suffice to say that it is almost indecipherable, and inexcusable.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Jake Owen - Eight Second Ride



American music has a long history of using songs to tell a story. Woody Guthrie, Jimmie Rodgers, Bob Dylan, and countless others have written and recorded songs that spin a tale. Even the simplest of stories can feel epic and important by simply setting them to music.

Jake Owen's "Eight Second Ride" is a shameful desecration of that proud tradition.



Let's consider the narrative of this story for a moment. A woman walks into a bar. Owens (likely in a half-drunken haze) feels like he recognizes said woman. He asks her whether she fits into category A (Are you alone?) or category B (Are you with someone?) and she answers ambiguously (No, I'm not), which is apparently Owens cue to show her to his motor vehicle that is equipped with unnecessarily large tires on it. The woman is (of course) sexually aroused at the site of so much rubber, and agrees to get in the vehicle with the intoxicated man. After warning her to be careful of his spit cup (ACK!), he informs her that riding with him will be more exciting than riding a bull in a rodeo (a bullrider is expected to stay on the bull for at least eight seconds, lest they be penalized in that horrible, barbaric, incredibly stupid "sport"). This of course leads to them making the beast with two backs in the bed of his truck. THE END.

"Mind-numbingly insipid" doesn't even come close to describing the intelligence level of this song.

I'd also like to point out that, although Owens claims that a "true country boy's hard to find", I think he might be mistaken. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, about twenty percent of the American population lives in rural areas. While that is not a huge number, that still means that one in five Americans could, in fact, consider themselves a "true country boy" (or girl).

Sunday, July 4, 2010

July 4th Edition - Alan Jackson - Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)



I recently had a conversation with some co-workers regarding what we thought characterized some of the worst songs ever recorded. After discussing annoying vocal stylings, poorly crafted lyrics, and obnoxious instrumentation, a suggestion arose that simply overshadowed all these things: songs that prey on emotion.

Elton John's "Candle in the Wind (1997)" is a great example of this. For some reason that is totally beyond me, Princess Diana's death affected many people, and Elton John made sure to re-record one of his songs to earn a paycheck in relation to this emotion. When Eric Clapton's son fell out a window to his death in 1991, Clapton turned that frown upside-down with one of his most succesful singles to date, "Tears in Heaven".

There is no question that the worst example of this predatory tactic is Alan Jackson's "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)". ( link ) The September 11th attacks were obviously a turning point for our nation, and one of the events that every American will remember somberly. Using this tragedy as an opportunity to further one's music career is absolutely despicable. Jackson has claimed in retrospect that he felt "squeamish" about recording/releasing a song commercially that was based on the tragedy, but the fact of the matter is he did it anyway. If he felt the song would be a comfort to people who were struggling with emotion at that time, he could have simply taken all the profits from that song and donated them to one of myriad charities. ( Pearl Jam and Harry Chapin are just two examples of artists who have used their position to help others, and not line their pockets.)

Aside from the inexcusable intents behind "Where Were You", it is simply a terrible CPC song anyway. The obvious examples of what is wrong with this song lyrically:

* "I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran," embodies the willful ignorance of many Americans in regards to life outside of our borders, which is pretty embarrassing.

* "Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow, go out and buy you a gun?" I'm sure many people did go out and buy firearms after the attacks. Terrifying, really.

* "Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching, and turn on 'I Love Lucy' reruns?" This is just an awkward line, written by a hack songwriter. The rhyming of "gun" and "rerun" is just sloppy. No one says the word "rerun" with the emphasis on the second syllable. No one. Also, while changing the channel from Predator to "I Love Lucy" is about as close as the average American gets to activism, it is hardly something to celebrate.

While all of the songs that featured here are ones that get under my skin, "Where Were You" is the first that actually makes my blood boil when thinking about it. This song is simply the cherry on top of an already terrible string of hits for Alan Jackson.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Luke Bryan - Rain is a Good Thing



The last few weeks have been very hot and humid here in Allentown. I only have air conditioning in my bedroom, so the rest of the house has been pretty uncomfortable. When the weather starts getting like this, there is one thing that brings great relief, and that is a nice rain storm. It is guaranteed to cool things off, and loosen the strangling hold of the humidity.

Now, I fully recognize that farmers depend on precipitation probably more than anyone else. No rain = suffering crops, and the farmer's livelihood depends on those crops. However, simply because I live in a city and work for a company that is not effected by rain one way or the other, doesn't mean that I chant "rain, rain, go away" every night before I go to bed. Aside from the comfort aspect that I mentioned above, I also keep a small vegetable garden in my back yard, and those plants need rain just as much as the farmer that owns a little family farm (a rare breed these days, thanks to the rise of factory farming).

All that being said, I have no idea what the hell Luke Bryan is talking about in this song. The video for this song (link!) features some obvious "farmer" types at the beginning talking about how much they depend on the rain, but the actual lyrics to the song are a bit more vague about the positive aspects of rain. Sure, the first verse mentions Bryan's apparently foul-mouthed father complaining about lack of rain, but from there on out, it's not quite as clear on the positive aspects.

According to Bryan, rain affords hormone-driven adolescents a chance to grope each other, children to dance around in the mud, and good old boys the opportunity to ride around in the bed of each other's trucks. While I have nothing against any of these things per se, I'm not sure that rain is the only reason for any of these things to happen (with the possible exception of the mud, although children will find ways to get dirty whether it is dry and sunny or cloudy and rainy). I'm simply not convinced that Bryan is making the best possible case for why rain is so much better where he comes from, than it is for us city slickers.

I also need to point out the pronunciation of the word "wash" in this song. I realize that r-adding is a regional thing, but it has no place in a recorded song. Obviously Luke Bryan pronounced that word that way on purpose (or, if he was too stupid to realize there was a problem with it, the engineer on the record should have said something), and it's presence is simply another case of overly overt accents in CPC. This particular example of accent flaunting is one that grates my nerves more than others. Terrible.

Poor pronunciation isn't the only thing that makes the chorus of this monstrosity terrible. Let's take a quick moment to consider how terribly childish the rhyme, "Corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky," is. That sounds like something you make up at 2 A.M. after drinking all night, with a guitar in your hand, thinking you are about as clever as they come, when in reality you are simply a drunk git. Also, while corn whiskey does exist, it is certainly a huge minority in the world of whiskeys, where barley is the dominant grain used, followed by rye. So, unless Bryan is drinking cheaply made moonshine whiskey, odds are, it is a barley-based alcoholic drink.

The last thing that warrants noting about this song is actually a visual aspect of the video. The whole thing is an unrealistic/unbelievable "look how down home and real Luke Bryan is!" montage, which is fine, since projecting that image is how you sell a country record. What bothers me is at 2:52, you can see Bryan making the sign of the horns, or devil horns which is something associated with heavy rock music for years and years and years. Although the evil connotations of the hand symbol have diminished over the years, the basic meaning of "rock on, man!" has stayed pretty consistent. Luke Bryan, you do not rock, so you look like a fool making that hand symbol. Don't do it anymore, thanks.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

George Strait - Check Yes or No



As a relative newcomer to the world of contemporary pop country (CPC), my knowledge about its trends over the years came mostly from second-hand accounts, rather than actual experience. Until very recently, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between a song recorded in the 1980's from one recorded yesterday, and I still struggle with it. It doesn't seem like there have been any innovations whatsoever in terms of songwriting, instrumentation, structure, subject. . .anything at all. In particular, after the "rhinestone cowboy" trend of the 1970's ended, things have remained pretty stagnant, with the possible exception of the fashion (the days of giant belt buckles, ten gallon hats and boots are fading; not completely gone, but fading, at least).

Because of this ignorance on my part, I was surprised to find out that "Check Yes or No" was released in 1987. The local country station that is forced down my throat every day plays this song with such regularity, I simply assumed it was a new single. In retrosepect, I suppose I can see the tell-tale signs of 1980's country production. The glossy sheen over the whole song, the square, emotionless performance from the backing band, and the degree of extremeness of the fake, forced southern accent all make it clear that this is a late '80's country hit.

A point of clarity about the twang level. It is a simple fact that when a person sings, their accent should naturally disappear. Take for example, Ozzy Osbourne. When the man speaks, unintelligible doesn't even come close to describing him. As soon as he starts singing, however, his accent drops away, and his pronunciation is relatively clear. Singing in a thick accent is not natural, and it can only be done if the singer is attempting to do so. The Beatles were given a hard time for flaunting their accents back in the 1960's, because it is not natural, and the same goes for country singers attempting to flaunt their southern twang today. You're not fooling me! As for the "extremeness" of the fake accent being a tell-tale sign of when the song was recorded, it seems that the exageration of the twang has gotten worse over the years, and Strait's accent in this particular song is present, but not cartoonsih, like some are today. Is the extreme accent a matter of pride for these singers? Perhaps, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

The song itself is a great example of how badly CPC handles love songs. The whole narrative is just so precious to the point of being nauseating. Oh, how sweet! He fell in love with the woman that is to be his wife at such a tender young age! *Blech!* It would be one thing if this were an actual account of Strait's love life, but the song is not even written by him! The songwriting credits note Dana Hunt and Danny Mark Wells as the scribes of this epic, legendary tale of love tested and found true. So, we have a poorly told, made up story presented by a third party. Awesome.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Rodney Atkins - Watchin' You

Since this is my first post here, a bit of back story might be pertinent.

I'm a 29 year old from eastern Pennsylvania, and I've been pretty skeptical of country music my whole life. While I was growing up, my parents assured me that there was nothing of any value to be found in the realm of country music.

As I approached adolescence, however, I became aware of quality music that falls under the country banner. Bluegrass, for example, obviously finds itself fitting under there and it has a rich history full of fantastic musicianship and great songs.

After I met my wife, I fell even more in love with the possibilities of country music when she introduced me to alt-country, a style takes the best elements of country music and combines it with rock. Through the works of Son Volt, Wilco, Ryan Adams, The Jayhawks, and many others, my feelings on country in general started to soften.

When talented, quality acts like Alison Krauss & Union Station and Nickel Creek started selling a lot of records and becoming pretty major "country" acts, I noticed.

Until recently. Earlier this year, I started a new job, and at this new job, there is an awful lot of radio listening. There is an older gentleman that works with me that insists on listening to the local country station. It is through this particular radio station that I've learned that in many ways, my parents were right to tell me that country music is terrible. It is such a disgrace to the memories of great country artists through the ages (from Jimmie Rodgers to Johnny Cash) what is being done in the name of country these days.

Because of this, I am coming here once a week to point out just one example of precisely what is wrong with contemporary popular country music.

With that in mind, I offer you the first of many examples:
Rodney Atkins : "Watchin' You"


There is so much wrong with this song, it's hard to choose where to start. First of all, unnecessary product placement just bugs me to no end. Why does the "meal" the child is eating in this song have to be a "Happy" one? Why must it be a "Scooby Doo" night light? It adds nothing to the narrative, with the possible acception of making the "average" listener think, "Hey! My kid has a nightlight just like that!" thus making it appeal to "everyone". In reality, all this proves is that corporatism in America is so rampant, that no one is safe from brand recognition. As such, the brand-name-dropping disrupts what is (I'm assuming) supposed to be a touching story of father/son bonding.

Religion and country music have a long history together. Aside from its own heritage of bringing God in to the picture, country music all through the 20th century shamelessly borrowed from the gospel music of the African-Americans. While I don't share the beliefs, the musicality certainly stands up, so I can get behind it.

Everything that makes Down To The River To Pray great, is lost on this song. "Watchin' You" is an example of a song that brings religion into the picture not because of an overwhelming desire to share a a love for a diety, but rather to simply hammer home the point that "I'm 'Merican! I b'leive in Gawd! And I pray!"

The bottom line with this song is that it is a perfect example of how contemporary popular country artists will simply tap into the lowest common denominator (LCD) by shamelessly interjecting "common" experiences into overly sappy songs about issues that could be touching if handled by someone with a shred of songwriting tact.